What was it like

for the world, when that first forest-borne monkey ventured out into the African plains, the savannah where they would learn from their fellow creatures in that place, of weather and shelter, of the cycles of the year, of longer history, of new opportunity and of the eating of meat, and of the hunting and the … More What was it like

For me, the feelings of reality and aliveness have only emerged from a sense of being at home, actually in a physical home

And few have ever included any sense of continuity with any words beyond the home – social or professional or historical or whatever Except for the world of ideas, academia, school – where I only ever felt myself a student, never an authority or teacher or guide or other power Always receptive and evaluating, never … More For me, the feelings of reality and aliveness have only emerged from a sense of being at home, actually in a physical home

The foundations of mutual realness and aliveness come in the presence of one or more awake, engaged others, living with and through their own bodies and lives and minds and hearts, and interested in your’s too

A person or group toward you A person or community for you Which then suggests a correlate challenge, What do we do in times of aloneness, when there is no other? Or of dampened existence, when there are at least others, but with varying degrees of aliveness, awareness, engagement, or interest in you?

I believe that my particular premature birth left my spine and thus my psyche underdeveloped or perhaps malformed or structurally damaged, and my neck especially so

And since then, perhaps a result of it but physiopsychically distinct, the additional burden of regular overwhelms of adrenaline or whatever during episodes of stuttering fear And more than adrenaline – the feeling of being blocked off from others, not able to be in relationship, or rather to be together – existential dread