Steven Pavlos Holmes, Ph.D.

Recreational “nature lovers” Poets Writers, intellectuals Scientists Prophets Artists Hermits Wild women/men Gardeners Devotees

The growing of a spinal is the primal act of self- emergence – Before that, relationship and even unity with others was the whole reality Or at least that’s what I imagine, can only imagine, since I seem not to have felt any of that, myself – which leaves me still, again, existing in the … More You are your spine –

Those goals/motives have shaped everything I do – in my relationships with women, and in every other aspect of my life, most of them drained and shadowed by the energy put toward women

And vice versa – and, mutually and generously – That’s the arena for doing some real work! And even more – how all that schmeer enters into and merges with actual, physical, historical, everyday life and reality

No real expectations or heritage to uphold, only inchoate private hopes or public dreams, at most a general longing to be a part of something, something important, something good and right and life-giving – But not even much real energy for that, it ebbs and flows and ebbs, so that the everyday reality is more … More Just doing what I gotta do to get by –

Nothing heavy, not the oppressive expectation of constantly living in joy, or even occasional joy when encountering a promoted object – Just being awake, alive, lively, present, pleasant, relatable, curious, playful, creative

I mainly existed then in the to-be, but as a real existence, what I then and there was – coming to be